Pain killers

We dare you week 32 is about things that makes us feel good at the same time as you know that you shouldn't... The things we love even though we should not. The things that give us feelings of guilt. It's time to identify those things.

I usually never feel guilt. It's a feeling which I try to avoid. If I want something and have the possibility to have or do it, I do it. That makes me do things I know that I perhaps should not do. But guilt? I don't know who came up with that expression or state of mind... I think that you should face your actions and guilt... well, to feel guilt is not a good way to handle those things you are about to do, have done or haven't done. Better then to reflect and think and, if neccessary and also possible, learn for the future.

Based on my prespective on life in general and especially guilt, I had to rethink this challenge. I came to think of one thing in my life which I don't like. It's the fact that I have those pills to take. Those pills that make my pain go away or at least make the pain soften in intensity. Those pills are really not fun to eat. And if I don't eat them... welll that's not fun. Some say there is a risk for being addicted to those pills. I know that it's more a psychological risk than an physical one. I know that I feel bad, irritated and tired for a couple of days when I stop eating those pills, something I do now and then. Of course, the pain also comes back. I know that it's the prize I have to pay for coping with this fu**ing pain. I know that the more you eat those pills your mind gets used to them resulting in that after some time you do things that you are not supposed to do when you are on these pills. This is something that can make me feel some degree of guilt. That I have a pain which requires me to take these small pills. And... I feel guilt for not being able to just let go and eat those pills on a regular basis to stop that damn pain. It's like pest or cholera. I have only two options to choose from... and neither of them is a good option.


The fact that there are alarming reports now and then in newspapers about those pills don't mind me at all. I have informed myself so I can just ignore those badly bended writings about those pills. Writings that makes so many people, including people I know, fear those pills. In that sense, this page also concerns that you should not feel guilt only because someone says you should do that... The reason for guilt has to come from yourself in order for you to have a chance to understand why you feel like you do. The page with it's title and subtitle also indicate all those things we do to make us feel better. Those things that relief us from our pain in life. Those things that there are no reason to feel guilt about us doing, but that we anyway may feel guilt for...

From the kit are the HS journaling card, the blue punchinella, the letter and number stickers and three aqua colored brads. The stars are really nice stars which I recieved as a RAK from Tezzan. Thanks a lot. I'm found of stars and they are so usable. On this page they represent the stars you may see when you are in pain. Suitable indeed. The blue color is nice. The real blue color that is. It's not so common with really blue scrap items, but these stars have that great color.

Edit made some days later: The weekend which followed after I had completed this layout involved some bright foxy insights. One of them is regarding the physical contra the psycological addiction. I can never claim that the physical addiction will not hit me. I'm in pain, and this means that the physical addiction is already built inside of me. Fuck! That's what I have to say about the thing...